'Otherhood

What is ‘OTHERHOOD?

‘OTHERHOOD is a collection of personal essays by New Zealand writers that will give voice to a common experience that still feels taboo: not being a mother. Or at least, not in the traditional sense. 

We’ve selected 30 incredible stories written by some of Aotearoa’s most exciting writers to be published in the ‘OTHERHOOD book. These hilarious, heartbreaking and thought-provoking essays cover topics including religion, blended families, bereavement, Te Ao Māori, queerness, the foster care system, disability, infertility, domestic violence, abortion, freedom from social expectations  – and of course, the joys of being a big DINK (Double Income No Kids). There are also quite a lot of cats.

Who are we?

We’re Lil O’Brien, Kathryn van Beek and Alie Benge, successful authors, advocates, and general good sorts. Together we’ve been published by New Zealand’s top publishing houses, literary magazines, and media outlets like The Spinoff. We all bring our different experiences of otherhood to this project, and Kathryn was the driving force behind the change to the Holiday’s Act that enables people to take bereavement leave for miscarriage. 

What are we crowdfunding for? 

Supporting this Boosted campaign will put money directly in the hands of a local writer.

We have a publisher, the award-winning Massey University Press (woohoo!) so the book will be designed and produced to the highest quality, and stocked in bookstores around Aotearoa from 2024. 

But we need your help paying the actual essay writers, who will be doing the most important part. We intend to pay each of our contributors $500 in recognition of their craft, their mahi – and their bravery in sharing their stories. 

What’s in it for you?

Boosted is designed as a reward-free crowdfunding platform. But we're still able to offer you:

• Your name printed in the book’s acknowledgements (not compulsory if you’re shy)
• A discount code
• We'll invite you along to the launch of ‘OTHERHOOD where you can rub shoulders with some of the writers featured in the book. We’ll also give away one free cat per person. Wait.. no. We've been told not to promise free cats, our bad.

Most importantly, you’ll be helping to break down some of the taboos around being childless/childfree, and contributing to a conversation that will let people experiencing ‘otherhood’ know that they are not alone.

“I believe the book will start a conversation that will begin chasing away the shame, stigma, and expectation put on women and gender diverse people who exercise—or don’t get to exercise—reproductive choice.”

- Catherine Woulfe, Editor of New Zealand Geographic

“This collection is one that made me wonder how it didn’t already exist. There is so much complexity, and so much breadth of experience, within the subject of child-free adulthood."

- Claire Mabey, Spinoff Books Editor, founder of Verb Wellington

“There is enormous shame and stigma still around women choosing not to become parents and very little support or those who don’t. A collection of essays around this topic is [...] something that’s desperately needed.”

- Emily Writes, editor of The Spinoff Parents, author of ‘Rants in the Dark’

“I am confident that this book will not only provide a forum for reader discussion, but also offer solace and hope to many women who find themselves feeling other or somehow lesser.”

- Dr Majella Cullinane, author and writing teacher

FAQs

Q: Why do you need to crowdfund - won’t the authors receive royalties from the book? 

A: While we hope this essay collection will be a massive hit, the reality of publishing in New Zealand means that, once the Press has recouped the costs of their investment, there may not be any royalties to share. That is why we would like to acknowledge our contributors with payment upfront. 

Q: What will you do if you raise more than $15,000? 

A: We’ll use any extra funds to help us launch ‘OTHERHOOD in as many places as possible. And we’ll invite all of the people who’ve made ‘OTHERHOOD possible – that includes you, our donors!

Q: How much are you earning as the editors of this book? 

A: We applied for Creative NZ funding to pay ourselves and the contributors, but unfortunately we weren’t successful. However, we really believe that this book will help further an important conversation in Aotearoa – so that’s why the three of us are working for free.

Q: Why is this book important? 

A: Not being a mother can feel profoundly othering. Those of us without children are familiar with insensitive comments such as ‘Not having children is selfish’, or ‘Have you thought about adoption?’. Even the question ‘Do you have kids?’ can be hard to answer – what do you say if you’ve been bereaved, or if you’re going through fertility treatment, or if you’re having a miscarriage? ‘‘OTHERHOOD will provide a refuge and a community for those of us who share a common experience that still feels taboo: not being a mother. 

Thank you, and we really appreciate your donation, no matter how big or small.